Harper Consoles Worried Canadians

At a news conference yesterday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper managed to do what no other leader has done thus far -- he found the upside of the raging credit crisis.

"I think there's probably a lot of great buying opportunities emerging in the stock market as a consequence of all this panic," he stated in his usual heart-on-sleeve manner. When asked to elaborate on how to capitalize on catastrophe this morning, he gushed, "It's simple! You sit on your hands, wait for everyone else to become so poor and desperate that they'll take any offer, and then you buy up all of their assets at Wal-Mart prices!"

After one reporter duly pointed out that no credit will be available for consumers or businesses at that point of a recession -- or depression -- Harper warmly replied, "So? You just use all of that cash that you've got lying around! Don't you see? Down is the new up!" He then skipped merrily away from the podium to exclaim for all to hear, "I can't wait to hit rock bottom!"

In light of this, Harper is no doubt very optimistic about the next set of polls.